Ring Tone by the Pride Piper

The Pride Piper's back for another one of his updated classics, adapted for modern times and modern technology. Today's track is originally by Midnight Star called Slow Jam (YouTube Video). Now I know and understand if some of you out there might not be familiar with the group Midnight Star so rather than cyber-jack their bio, I'll provide you a link to their Wikipedia Page. And while I'm at it, I'll take a moment to give a shout to my pops who used to play these jams when i was ankle low to a caterpillar's toe. Good Looking Out Pops!!

Spoiler\........./ Alert:
This adaptation reflects the
possibility that in the not so
distant future a couple
could fall in love
over a ring
tone.

Ring Tone

I was all alone
I was feeling rather low
I needed someone to
Lift my spirits up

So I dropped in on a dance
Just to take a glance
And there this sweet, lovely thing was
She was more than enough

I asked her for her hand
Said, "Would you like to dance?"
So pleased that I had asked
She quickly took my hand
And we danced and fell in love
On a ring tone

Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone
For my baby and for me
Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone ( a ring tone, yeah)

Seems what you say is true
I feel the same way too
See I waited all night long
Just to dance with you

And when you touched my hand
I knew you were the man
To turn my world around
And make my dreams come true

The magic in your eyes made me realize
That everything I feel has got to be real
And we danced and fell in love
On a ring tone

Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone
Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone

Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone
Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone

Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone
Play another ring tone
This time make it sweet
On a ring tone

Holla if Ya Hear Me

Anatomy of a Mix: Hate That I Love You

I'm back with another installment of Anatomy of Mix, a journey inside the mind of tuttafucco...

For those not so familiar with this series of my blog, it's where I provide insight into the subliminal elements underneath some of my mixes. Often at times, I simply put together two songs because I think they sound good together. Other times though, I combine two songs because of their meaning in relation to each other. For a refresher on this concept, please check: Anatomy of a Mix: Billie Jean (Moonwalkin).

Today's mix started with the instrumental to a RZA song, Domestic Violence (Click Here for YouTube Video or view the embedded video below if you're able to see it.)




I'm going to skip over the part where I add a disclaimer about how I don't condone domestic violence because I'm not a fan of preaching to the choir. As the song is essentially about a dysfunctional relationship, I tried to think of think of songs that would be conceptually interesting to mix with the instrumental. Given the RZA track, the two obvious ideas would be songs about an immensely intense love or an equally strong disdain. As luck would have it, I found a song that hits both ends of the spectrum (sort of).

If you want to watch the video or hear the original version of Hate That I Love You Click Here.

Click Here to listen to Hate That I Love You mixed by tuttafucco

I hope you enjoy it.

Holla if ya Hear me!!

Mr. Cell Phone Man by the Pride Piper

The Pride Piper's coming at you with another touched-up classic...He's been spending a lot of time in the studio as of late, feverishly banging out remixes like Kandi on the Real Housewives of ATL. So don't sleep or you'll likely to be Tardy for the Party!!

Mr. Cell Phone Man by the Pride Piper

Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There's something wrong with her cell,
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?
Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There's something wrong with her cell
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?

When I dialed 611 Customer Service,
He said, "Hello may I help you please?"
I told him something must be wrong with my phone
Cause my baby wouldn't hang up on me.

Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There something wrong with her cell
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?
Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There something wrong with her cell
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?

She let the phone ring 20 times before she answered
Let me tell you what happened then (ahhhh)
A minute later, I got the operator
Saying please hang up and place your call again.

Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There's something wrong with her cell
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?
Mr. Cell Phone Man,
Something's wrong with her cell
I try to dial her number
I get a click...what the hell?

Some strange man is on the telephone (the telephone)
He keeps telling me my baby ain't home (that she's not home)
She ain't got no party line (Oooh!)
This situation's blowing my mind (Oooh!)
Oh, I just can't take it anymore.

Please operator. See what you can do. I dialed the right number but I still couldn't get through. Could you just check the line just one more time if you can. I'm pretty sure her phone wouldn't be answered by no man.

Mr. Cell Phone Man,
There's something wrong with her cell
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click...what the hell?
Mr. Cell Phone Man,
Something's wrong with her cell
I try to dial her number
I get a click...what the hell?

Must be a bad connection. I give her my love and affection.
I just can't take this no more.
This situation's blowing my mind...
blowing my mind...
Can't get my baby on the line.

I tried dialing information (Mr. Cell Phone Man)
I can't get no cooperation (Mr. Cell Phone Man)
Cause he's still on the phone
Telling me my baby ain't at home
Come on baby, I just can't take it any more

Help me out...
please Mr. Cell Phone Man
Help me out...
please Mr. Cell Phone Man

Mr. Telephone Man YouTube Video

textual healing by the pride piper

Ooh, now let's get down tonight
Baby I'm hot just like an oven
I need some lovin'
And baby, I can't hold it much longer
It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I want Textual Healing
Textual Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
Textual Healing baby, is good for me
Textual Healing is something that's good for me
Whenever blue tear drops are falling
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can get on my 3G iPhone and text you up baby, and
Honey I know you'll be there to relieve me
The texts you'll give to me will free me
If you don't know the texts you're dealing
I can tell you, darling, that it's Textual Healing
Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up, let's text it up tonight
Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, cuz you text me right
Baby I got sick this morning
A sea was storming inside of me
Baby I think I'm capsizing
The waves are rising and rising
And when I get that feeling
I want Textual Healing
Textual Healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Textual Healing, baby, is good for me
Textual Healing is something that's good for me
And it's good for me and it's good to me
My baby ohhh
Come take control, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind soon we'll be making it
Honey, oh we're feeling fine
You're my medicine open up and let me in
Darling, you're so great
I can't wait for you to operate
I can't wait for you to operate
When I get this feeling, I need Textual Healing

Anatomy of a Mix: Billie Jean (Moonwalkin)

The latest series in my blog is entitled "Anatomy of a Mix". As most of you know, my brother and I have been into making Blends for the better part of the last 14 years. For those not specifically familiar with the term Blends, it is what others may commonly refer to as a Mashup or a Mix. For a more-detailed explanation of mashups/blends, feel free to peruse this wikipedia link. Essentially, all you need to know is that a Blend is generally defined by combining the vocal portion of one song with the musical portion of another song, making a remix of sorts. Growing up in Providence, where the local music scene for Blends was blossoming in the early 90's, we were fortunate enough to hear some of the best in the business - Curty Cut (R.I.P.), DJ Lefty, Mike Nice (a.k.a. Big Lig), DJ Buck, and DJ Rukiz - hone their craft.

When Wes and I got our first sets of turntables, it was officially on and our lives would never be the same. We stumbled thru our first few tapes but kept at it. Over time, we graduated from cassettes to CDs to MP3s. With each piece of technology we acquired, the possibilities of what we were able to do creatively expanded. As we collaborated on projects and exchanged mixes, we'd teach each other tricks and techniques that we had figured out. Admittedly, I was true benefactor in this process, as Wes was constantly taking the game to the next level and bringing me up to speed.

One day, I remember him playing a mix for me that he recently assembled. He had mixed TLC's "Unpretty" over Bubba Sparxxx's "Ugly". So in addition to creating something that sounded good, the mix had deeper connotations when you stopped to think about the lyrics and titles of the two songs. To my knowledge, this genre of Blends does not have an official name and perhaps I'll discover it or even create one someday. But in the meantime, I plan to devote some of my blogspace to breaking down some of the subtly-hidden meanings beaneath the surface of some of our Blends.

With the recent passing of the King of Pop, I thought about pulling an all-nighter in the studio making some new Michael Jackson Blends as a tribute to one of the greatest entertainers of all time. However, suffering from the exhaustion of an already too hectic schedule, my only option was to listen to some of the previous MJ Blends I'd done and go to bed early. Clearly though, Wes and I were on the same wavelength, as he sent me some new MJ Blends this morning. This first was a blend of MJ's "Billie Jean" with Kanye West & The Dream's "Walking on the Moon". (I'm guessing I don't need to point out the subtle connection between the two songs.)

Click Here to listen to Billie Jean (Moonwalkin) mixed by WES

And in case you're not familiar with the Walking on the Moon song, here's a link to the video on YouTube: Walking on the Moon

And as I alluded to previously, this will be the first in a series of blog entries entitled "Anatomy of a Mix". Stay Tuned...we'll see if we can't put together a Tribute to MJ collaboration in the near future. We'll always love you Mike!!!



Holla if ya Hear me. Shamon!!

Under Construction

It's been about a year now since my blog was re-launched on Blogger so I thought it was high time for a makeover. Ty Pennington's agent wouldn't return my calls, so I was essentially on my own with this one. I found a ton of new widgets and features and over time, will experiment with a few.

So Far:

• I've added "What I've Been up to Recently..." to post my most-recent Facebook status updates (for those who are not inundated enough with this information already).
• I've changed the format and layout of the blog. I will indubitably (indubitably?? indubitably!!) need to play around with the color schema...
• I've sold some of the real estate on the page to some Ad Agencies.
• I've figured out how to use my IMEEM account to embed selected songs (which mostly comes in handy when I can't find a decent copy of something on youtube).
  

There will be more changes in the future as Toujours Tuttafucco continues to evolve.

Thank you for your patronage.



Holla if ya Hear Me!!

Thats Just My Luck by Syl Johnson

Thats Just My Luck by Syl Johnson

Click for IMEEM LINK:

Click for Wikipedia Link:

10 Things I Need To Do According to Google

Go to Google. (Mother May I?) Type your name and "needs to" in quotation marks. The search results may instruct you to do an assortment of insane things. Question is...how many of those thing should you do???

WILL
Will needs to expand his horizons.
Will needs to be stopped.
Will needs to include clear instructions about how to locate and access client records and contact information.
Will needs to be executed.
Will needs to be linked to this new economy.
Will needs to be there?
Will needs to generate new ways of thinking to unlock the process.
Will needs to be signed by witnesses.
Will needs to be updated each time major changes take place in your life.
Will needs to be an indoor only kitty in a household where he is the only cat.
I can honestly say I do need to do 7 of the above things.

WILLIAM
William needs to reassess what's slowing economic development.
William needs to transfer US$15 million.
William needs to lead a healthy, happy life.
William needs to clarify the rules.
William needs to get out and see how ordinary people live.
William needs to be aware however, of the needless hysteria he helps to create and feed off.
William needs to take a break.
William needs to be willing to take on a leading role.
William needs to sort out his life.
William needs to stop killing for sport.
I can honestly say I do need to do 7 of the above things...possibly 9!!

TUTT
Tutt needs to be known.
Tutt needs to be conducted to determine the specific role of these and other processes.
Tutt needs to be part of 55 plays.
Tutt needs to get a life!
Tutt needs to reassure us that the council hasn't gone blinking mad with our money.
Tutt needs to be in First Grade but elsewhere.
Tutt needs to be congratulated for ensuring there was a girls team to go on the trip.
Tutt needs to weigh in.
Tutt needs to establish some spatial separation.
Tutt needs to get punished for his poor blocking.
I can honestly say I do need to do 6 of the above things.

How about you? What does Google say you should do?

For me Formidable by Charles Aznavour

You are the one for me, for me, for me, formidable
You are my love very, very, very, véritable
Et je voudrais pouvoir un jour enfin te le dire
Te l' écrire
Dans la langue de Shakespeare
My daisy, daisy, daisy, désirable
Je suis malheureux d' avoir si peu de mots
À t'offrir en cadeaux
Darling I love you, love you, darling I want you
Et puis c' est à peu près tout
You are the one for me, for me, for me, formidable

You are the one for me, for me, for me, formidable
But how can you
See me, see me, see me, si minable
Je ferais mieux d'aller choisir mon vocabulaire
Pour te plaire
Dans la langue de Molière
Toi, tes eyes, ton nose, tes lips adorables
Tu n'as pas compris tant pis
Ne t'en fais pas et viens-t-en dans mes bras
Darling I love you, love you,
Darling, I want you
Et puis le reste on s'en fout
You are the one for me, for me, for me, formidable
Je me demande même
Pourquoi je t'aime
Toi qui te moques de moi et de tout
Avec ton air canaille, canaille, canaille
How can I love you



Click Here to hear the song on YouTube.
Click Here if you're too lazy to Google the translation but are curious.








Holla if ya Hear Me.

Can I really help you?

Editor's note: After a not-so-careful review by Legal Counsel, a few edits have been made to this post. Namely, instead of stating that this actually occurred, it's going to be the re-telling of a recent dream by Sir Tuttafucco. Additionally, to eliminate the potential for legal recourse, the name of the company has been changed to disguise it's true identity.

So, in a recent dream I had, I’m hanging out at what is commonly referred to as my place of employment. The phone rings. Though I’m “responsible” for answering it, I often hesitate to, as 90% of the calls fall into one of two categories:

1. An entity or organization cold calling in an effort to sell some product or service that we don't need or can't afford
2. An entity or organization that is owed some cheddar and is calling in an effort to collect

I quickly throw my headset on and answer the tele. The gentleman, who I will refer to as Victor, announces that he’s from Werizon and requests to speak with my Accounts Payable Department. Patterns of previous dreams declare this a dead giveaway when someone is calling about some owed cream (Cash does Rule Everything Around Me!!). I advise Victor that we don’t have such a Department and that he can simply speak with me.

Victor reiterates that he’s from Werizon and that our bill is over 60 Days delinquent. I inquire how much is owed because it just so happens that I personally paid a Werizon bill weeks ago (when our phone service was shut-off for non-payment). He then goes into his “database” and says that we owe over 900 clams. I explain that we paid that bill weeks ago and his system has not been updated yet for some reason. He claims to look into some other “screens” but does not see any evidence of our recent payment.

Me: Can you see our last payment?
Victor: The last payment I see was in January for $29.
Me: I made another payment of over $1,000 a few weeks ago
Victor: Is it possible that your company has more than one account?
Me: It’s possible, I guess. But we only have one phone number so I’m pretty sure we only get one bill from Werizon.
Victor: Would you like me to give you your account number?
Me: No, but feel free to give it to me if you like. I’m not sure what you want me to do with it.
Victor: Well you can call Customer Service…
Me: ...I’m not going to call Customer Service about a bill that was already paid. You have called me so the fact that our phone line is on despite the overdue balance you see on your “screen” is proof positive in my book that we are current with our bill.

Victor’s voice starts cutting in and out. At one point, I think the call has been disconnected because I can only hear the Sounds of Silence (which happens to be one of my all-time favorite tunes). He assures me that he’s still there. I advise him that I do not need to take any action because I know the bill in question has been paid. He then lets it slip that he’s with a collection agency. That’s when the real fun begins…

Me: So that explains it!! Werizon hasn’t advised you guys that this bill is no longer outstanding. I hope you don’t think I’m going to pay you for a bill that has already been paid to Werizon.
Victor: Well because of what shows in our system, we don't know that it has been paid and you are likely to continue getting automated calls from us about this bill.
Me: OK. That’s not cool but honestly, I have no problems hanging up on an automated system. I’m sure it won’t take it personally. What’s the name of your company?
Victor: Werizon
Me: I’m sorry. I thought you had said that you’re calling from a collection agency. Are you with Werizon or not? Cuz last time I checked Werizon is not a collection agency.
Victor: Our Department calls on behalf of Werizon about overdue bills.
Me: Victor, that a pretty intriguing response but unfortunately doesn't answer my question. Since you can't see our actual payment history, I'm going to have to assume you're not actually with Werizon. What’s the name of your company? As in the one you work for. You mentioned that you’re with a collection agency. Said agency must have a name.

(There’s a pause…I can hear Victor fumbling around, seemingly uncertain of the appropriate response)

Victor: Collection Co.
Me: Collection Co? Great. I was simply looking to confirm which company you’re with in case I get calls in the future about this bill, I’ll be able to know if they’re from the same company as you. Clearly, Werizon’s priority is in getting their money and not keeping their collection agencies well informed. (I repeat Collection Co slowwwwwllllyyyyyy...as I’m writing it down.)
Victor: Actually…it’s… GC Services…I had forgotten that.
Me: GC Services. Are you sure? Cuz I wouldn’t forget whose name appears on my checks but that’s just me.
Victor: Yes. GC Services!!
Me: OK. Is there anything else I can't help you with today? No? Then Buh-Bye!!

I somehow manage to contain my laughter until I’ve actually hung up the phone. I share some chuckles (not the candy) with those within earshot who only had the benefit of hearing one side of the conversation. I've only had one other dream in my life, when I’ve had the gumption to talk with a collection agency rep like I was the one signing his paycheques. But in the case of this dream, knowing that the debt had already been paid certainly made it easier.

I wake up to the sound of SportsCenter. When I look at the ticker on the bottom of the screen, it reads: Score Update...... Good Guys: 2...... Bad Guys: 2,245,983

I take solace in knowing that at least we're gaining on them!!!

A La Primera Persona by Alejandro Sanz

To The First Person (translated)

To the first person that helps me to understand
I plan to surrender to her my time, I plan to surrender to her my faith
I don't ask that things always turn out well for me
But it's that I'm fed up of losing you without meaning to (meaning to)

To the first person that helps me to get out
Of this hell that I myself decided to live in
I give to her whichever afternoon for the two of us
What I'm saying is that right now I don't even have a place to be

The gold for who wants it but if we speak of yesterday
It's so much that I've drank and I'm still thirsty
At least you knew it, at least I didn't tell you
That things weren't as they seemed

But it's that to the first person that helps me to feel again
I plan to surrender to her my life, I plan to surrender to her my faith
Although if you're not the person that I dreamed for, what
What am I going to do with the dreams?
What am I going to do with those kisses?
What am I going to do with all that we dreamed?
Tell me, where do we put it?

Where do I keep the look that you gave me some time?
Where do I keep the promises, where do I keep the yesterday?
Where do I keep, girl, your way of touching me?
Where do I keep my faith?

Although people may say it I don't want to listen to it
There isn't any more fear to feel when you don't feel anything anymore
Girl, you see it so easy, oh my love!
But it's that the more simple you see it, the more difficult it becomes for me

To the first person that helps me find my way
I plan to give up to her my time, I plan to give up to her even the sea
I don't say that it's easy, but, girl,
Right now I don't have even a place to be

To the first person that won't want to judge me
I plan to surrender to her caresses that I had kept
I don't ask that things always turn out well for me
But it's that I'm fed up of losing you

To the first person that takes me to the truth
I plan to surrender to her my time, I don't want to wait anymore
I don't understand you when you speak to me, what bad luck!
You say that life has things outside of our control

I can tell you what a flame inside is like
I can tell you how much it's fire weighs
It's that love in solitude is like a bottomless pit

Where God doesn't exist, nor truths

It's all so relative, like we are here
We don't know, but, love, give me blood to live
At least you knew it, at least I didn't tell you

That things weren't as they seemed

To the first person that won't want to judge me
I plan to surrender to her caresses that I had kept
Girl, you see it so easy, oh my love!
But it's that the more simple you see it, the more difficult it becomes for me

To the first person that won't want to judge me
I plan to surrender to her caresses that I had kept
I don't say that it's easy, but, girl,
Right now I don't even have a place to be
Not even a place to be

-Released September 25, 2006. From the album El tren de los momentos.



YouTube Video

Heartless by Kanye West

This one goes out to the cats (both male and female) that caught the short end of the stick in 2008...Next year will be different...I promise...

HEARTLESS

In the night I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless...
How could you be so heartless... oh
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so,
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talking to me though
You need to watch the way you talking to me yo
I mean after all the things that we been through
I mean after all the things we got into
And yo I know of some things that you ain't told me
And yo I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back
And you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend
Well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless...
How could you be so heartless... oh
How could you be so heartless?


How could you be so Dr. Evil
You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we weren't gonna speak so
why we up 3 a.m. on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me for,
homey I don't know she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell your friends that you're leaving me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see,
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless...
How could you be so heartless... oh
How could you be so heartless?


Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk,
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon' keep hating me
And we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
and you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night...

In the night I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless...
How could you be so heartless... oh
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless... oh
How could you be so heartless?

-written by K. West, E. Wilson, S. Mescudi & M. Jones

I found the video on youtube but the embedding code was disabled so you will have to settle for the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYpiQTOaw1U

Your Body's Texting by the Pride Piper

Many songs are measured by how they withstand the test of time. However, when your lyrics are focused on the latest technology, your track is bound to become outdated later, if not sooner than yesterday.

An example would be the ppa - ppp (Post-Public-Announcement - Pre-Pied-Piper) sensation, Your Body’s Calling (Nov. 1993: 12-Play). Though the phone (call) is far from obsolete, made up statistics can show that texting has become a much more frequent method of communicado (especially amongst the group that Kells would publicly characterize as “illegal” or “underage”)

Many thanks to the wonders of the internet, which allow us to use our 20/20 hindsight to imagine a glimpse of what those lyrics would resemble, if the song was originally written in 2008 (On the almost 15-year old i.e. “illegal” or “underage” anniversary of the original release)

Your Body’s Texting
-by the Pride Piper

I hear you calling, here I come baby to save you
Baby no more stalling, these hands have been longing to text you, baby

And now that you’ve come around to seeing it my way
you won't regret it baby and you surely won't forget it baby
it's unbelievable how your body's texting me...(shhhh)
I can just hear it texting, texting, texting me

My body's… texting… you (I can hear it texting babe)…
My body's… texting… you (Your body’s texting me)…




The real question is if anything is lost in the contemporary rendering...I'll let you decide for yourself - Your Body's Calling (93 version).

Editor's Note: If the song dropped 4-5 years earlier, it perhaps would've been called Your Body's IM'ing...

B.I.G. - "Get Money"

You wanna sip Mo on my living room flo
Play Nintendo with Cease and Nino
Pick up my phone say, "Poppa not home"
Sex all night, mad head in the morn
Spin my V, smoke all my weed
Tattoo on tittie sayin B.I.G., now check it
You wanna be my main squeeze baby
Don'tcha, you wanna gimme what I need baby
Won'tcha, picture life as my wife just think
Full length mink, fat X and O links
Bracelets to match, conversation was all that
Showed you the safe combinations and all that
Guess you could say youse the one I trusted
Who would ever think that you would spread like mustard?
Shit got hot, you sent Feds to my spot
Took me to court, tried to take all I got
Nother intricate plot, the bitch said I raped her
Damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?
My Mo-schi-no ho, my Ver-sa-ce hottie
Come to find out, you was fuckin everybody
You knew about me, the fake ID
Cases in Virginia, body in D.C.
Woe, oh is me, that's what I get for trickin
Came out on bail, commence to ass kickin
Lick in the door, wavin the four-four
All you heard was, "Poppa don't hit me no more"
Disrespect my click, my shit's imperial
Fuck around and made her milkbox material
You feel me? Suckin dick, runnin your lips
Cuz of you, I'm on some real fuck a bitch shit, uhh..

“The Square Root of Three” by David Feinberg

Last night I watched Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. (which was fuckin hilarious BTW!!). Anyways, a poem recited in the movie struck a particular chord. Here it goes...

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When, arc! Just what is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed

Just Needed the Proper Motivation

So I've been in a bit of a blog slump lately...and yeah I've had a lot going on but it's really no excuse. I've written many a blog in my head and even have a few in my blogger account in the "Drafted" status...

But today something happened that I just had to write about. And for those who have been following my travails (TY BTW!), it should come as no surprise that it relates to another run-in at a local business. And this time I'm naming names!!!

To give you a little background on the story, this summer I suffered the relative tragedy of watching my second hookah break before my eyes. And it was a most beautiful hookah!!

Anyways, weeks ago, I came up with the idea of getting a replacement base. This idea seemed more like a reality after checking my favorite online hookah retailer (http://www.smoking-hookah.com/). However, before placing an order online, I first tried to support the local economy. There's a store in the South End (Syrian Grocery Importing Co., Inc.) that prominently displays a large hookah (among other things) in the window so I went in one day and inquired if they had replacement bases in-stock or if they'd be able to order me one. After much unnecessary commotion, I was advised that they occasionally have spare parts and that it's a hit-or-miss proposition. They called in the resident hookah-supply expert from the back, who located a spare base. I very quickly saw that this base was way too small for my hookah's shaft (TWSS!). They suggested I bring my hookah but I knew there was no need. They asked me to check back after a few weeks and re-try my luck.

Fast forward to today. My replacement base is already en route, but given my ill-fated history with hookahs, I think it would be wise to have a back-up replacement on hand. So I go back to SGIC,Inc. and remind them that I'm looking for a replacement base if they currently have any in-stock. After advising them that I did not bring my hookah with me, I'm shocked to hear one of them mutter, "who would try to buy the base without bringing the hookah?" Well I guess that would be me, the guy who knows how big his hookah is because I've personally seen it and have held it in my hands. I also am the guy that is willing to purchase one, should I be so lucky that you actually have one!! So I let that comment go unchecked and wait for them to make the call to the bullpen. Out comes the expert again from the back who asks if I brought my hookah with me. I gesture with my hands to indicate the size of the hookah and assure him that if I see a base, I will know if it's the right size and have no problems committing to purchase it. He responds by saying they don't have any in-stock. Immediately afterward, one of them chimes in that they normally come as part of a set and they don't usually have spare parts. Ironically, it was the same guy that questioned why someone would look for a base without bringing their hookah...I am completely and utterly flabbergasted!! And it takes quite a lot to flabbergast me!!!

Was it too difficult to cut my visit short by about 5 minutes and say you don't have any in-stock at the moment? If I had made the mistake of bringing in my hookah so the three of them could have each personally attested to it's size, (should I ever need to subpoena them in a potential missing hookah case) would a base have magically appeared in-stock? Or do you have some inside bet going amongst the employees whereby the challenge is to see how long you can keep a customer engaged, whilst not having the product they are clearly, obviously, and exclusively looking for?

My point is, if you don't have any in-stock, why waste my time asking me questions? The Closer didn't go in the back to confirm if they had any left, he knew it. So I blame him for wasting my time.

Sad thing is, having gone inside this establishment now a couple times, I noticed some things I would come back for. But since I think the place is swarming with jackasses, I'll go find some other Syrian importing company to purchase my gourmet and ethnic foods from.

Rule # 89. Don't patronize me when I'm looking to patronize your establishment!!

Holla if ya Hear me!!

Barack Obama Talks Sports With Stuart Scott (ESPN clip)

Here's a clip recently posted on ESPN.com featuring Obama and Stu Scott.


For all of you mobile blog readers, here's the URL to access the clip:
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?categoryId=2378529&brand=null&videoId=3553404&n8pe6c=2

Below are my 10 favorite comments/observations relating to this clip (SPOILER ALERT).

1. Obama repeatedly takes Stu to the well on the court (displaying his ability to handle the rock and shoot with either hand).
2. I love Obama's grin when he reminisces about having hair "this big"...I sincerely wish they has a photo of that to include in the montage!
3. When prompted to pick an athlete for a running mate, his first pick for VP was Walter Payton. Obama keeps it real and is all about repping Chi-Town. Gotta respect that.
4. His second choice for a running mate would be "Michael". He didn't need to say or include Jordan. Everyone knows who he's referring to. And everyone agrees with the pick, though given his lack of success in the front office, I would not be as quick as Obama to go there. Though I do acknowledge that it's a sexy but somewhat safe pick for the Southside native.
5. In explaining his second choice, he quips that [Jordan] "doesn't lose...and since I haven't won the presidency yet...I'd just keep on feeding him and figure he'd hit the last shot." No doubt!!!
6. He says he hasn't won the Presidency YET!!
7. Honestly NOT feeling his statement that if he were the President, he thinks it would've been appropriate to say he wouldn't go to the opening games in Beijing based on China's "Violation of Human Rights". My follow up question would be whether or not he would have attended the opening ceremonies if the US were hosting the games this summer...Let the Country without sin cast the first stone!
8. Much props for his preference that Congress not get involved in Baseball & Steroids issue.
9. Appreciate that he's not a fair-weather fan and has no qualms shitting on the fakers in the stands at Wrigley.
10. I'm definitely going to sample the very end, when he says, "I'm so glad it's over!!"

If anyone has an extra seat on their Obama bandwagon, I'm very much interested in catching a lift...

Holla if ya Hear Me!!

In Your Eyes by Willie Tuttafucco

No contacts or corrective lenses needed
Seeing clearly, even when rain is falling
Masking tears of joy that fall
From ducts envious of what we share

You slowly blink twice
Which unlocks the magic that is your
Smile :)
Out comes the sun
Drying up all the rain
Neither it nor I stand a chance
Against your eyes

Thanks to the power in your eyes
The leaves are released
On probation from their winter incarceration
Their colors awaken from hibernation

For you I will be protective like your Iris
Colorful and responsive to brightness
Longing to be a pupil of your pupil

Our visual dances during one of your glances
Is enough to put me on cloud #9
While singing 99 Luft Balloons

When I close my eyes
Your presence surrounds me
Even when you aren’t near
I can see you
Elation, never fearing
This claustrophobic love
Because it makes me sick with passion
And nauseous with glee

When I look into your eyes
I see twinkling stars and
Sparkling promises for a better tomorrow
Shining brighter than a thousand suns
Rays covering the surface of the earth

You have taken over my heart
My soul mind and body will follow suit
In due time
For they too, are yours for the taking,
I am slave to your eyesight,
Moving in whichever direction you are looking
Forever longing to remain in your peripheral

From New Beginnings...to Re-Occuring Happenings

I intended to write my next blog (this one actually) about New Beginnings...my new apartment...my new neighborhood...the awesome people I've been meeting and hanging out with recently...how 2008 has simultaneously presented me with the most difficult challenges and also opened my eyes and heart to the possibility of falling head over heels again...how I've embraced change in various facets of my life and welcomed many new experiences...but I had such an eventful morning that I decided it would be much more fun to write about this morning's events instead...we can talk about New Beginnings when you see me out and aboot (<-- My Canadian accent :-) or at the local watering hole, where I am quickly becoming a fixture... I wake up this morning in pretty bad shape. I vaguely remember being advised last night that Friday's are trash day in my new hood. I gather up the recyclables and get them outside just in time to meet one of the locals making the rounds collecting the valuables out of the bins. I start to reach out my hand to introduce myself and offer exclusive rights to my future recyclables but I immediately wise up, realizing this guy has been handling various bottles, cans and jugs (not the silicone kind either!) which most likely have not all been washed...we chat it up for a bit but leaves names out of the conversation... Fast forward to 45 minutes later as I'm stumbling (literally) out of my new place (shoutout to CBP!!!). I grab a gatorade thinking it will help the re-hydration efforts. Before I'm too far away from my spot, I pass an eating establishment of sorts. Though I have been warned to avoid this particular establishment, the next eatery on my route to work is at least 15 stumbling minutes away. As I approach the door I immediately become concerned with the gatorade in my hand and that they may want to charge me for it. So I crack it open and am drinking it as I enter so as to avoid any confusion. I order a breakfast sammie and ask for a take-out menu. Despite the warnings I've received, I figure it may be a necessary evil for mornings such as this one. Having the phone number handy, would allow me to call ahead and save a few minutes of waiting and you know what I always say...A minute saved is a minute earned!!! Anyways, a lady appears behind the counter and we're small talking while sammie's getting prepped...I tell her I'm new to the area and she suggests I frequent their establishment because they have "lots of good food"!! I think to myself, I'll be the judge of that! But Thanks Anyway! She rings up my order. I almost pass out when she tells me my total is $6 and change...For a breakfast Sammie!?! WTF?!? I look to the guy that took my order with what can only be described as bewilderment...he advises the lady that I brought the gatorade in and should not be charged for it...I'm not crazy about the $4 Sammie but desperate times call for desperate measures...I pay up and think no more of it...until I look to my right in the coolers and realize they don't even sell gatorade!!! Not Cool!! All I can say is...C'Mon!! You're Better Than That!

A few more mildly amusing notables occur on my commute but the one I will mention specifically still has me scratching my head:

I get off the Silver Line (which is a bus for those not familiar with Boston Public Transit) and pass the line of people waiting to get on. Suddenly, a cab screeches in front of the bus cutting it off like I've seen cops do on those high-speed-chase reality shows. A guy jumps out of the cab and then motions for the bus to remain there so he can board. The cabbie does a U-turn going back from whence he came, and the bus pulls off continuing it's normal route. Having a vivid imagination, which was only heightened by the state I was in at the time, I tried to figure out what just occurred...

My best guess was that the guy missed the bus and hopped a cab to catch up with the bus. Though this seems to be the most logical scenario, it would also require that the guy NOT know that the Silver Line runs like every 5 minutes at that time of day. So unless you're in a life-or-death crisis, you can and should probably wait the 4 minutes until the next bus comes instead of paying a cab to drive you howmanyever blocks it took to catch up with the bus. Speaking of, did he even pay the cabbie? Was the cabbie one of his boys perhaps? Why not just have the cab take you to your destination if you're in such a rush? Surely the cab would get you there faster than the bus (though slightly more costly depending on how far he was going)...

At the other end of the realistic spectrum, I wondered if the cabbie and the passenger were both undercover agents and he was hopping on the board to make a bust or to investigate a possible terrorist threat. Hey, if you see something, say something!!! Though the mantra of the hood these days is "Stop Snitchin" so that's what makes me think that scenario is unlikely.

I continue on to work, very amused and slightly hungover...

Holla if ya Hear Me!!

Friend of Mine by Lily Allen

I'm going to take my first stab at embedding a video so if it doesn't appear you may have to view this blog via the actual site (http://tuttafucco.blogspot.com/). Soon enough, I shall be able to add commentary to these lyrical postings but currently, my legal team is advising me against it.

Here goes -



And in case you're simply interested in the lyrics:

I don't want us to have a fight
But in the background I can hear you chatting shite
I hear it every night

And you think you're being really cool
And you've been doing it since we were both at school
Now who looks like a fool?

You're no friend of mine, girl
And I've known it for a while, girl
You're just a waste of time, girl
Why don't you have another line, girl?

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

What happen to the good old days?
I was kinda hoping this was all a stupid phase
Who are you anyway?

I know you've heard this all before
I know some people who've been calling you a whore
Don't know you anymore

You're no friend of mine, girl
And I've known it for a while, girl
You're just a waste of time, girl
Why don't you have another line, girl?

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect
Have you got no self respect
Reputation to protect
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

And here's the link to the youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOY2sL4QFaM

Holla if ya Hear Me!!