Saturday, September 27, 2008

“The Square Root of Three” by David Feinberg

Last night I watched Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. (which was fuckin hilarious BTW!!). Anyways, a poem recited in the movie struck a particular chord. Here it goes...

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When, arc! Just what is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed



Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Just Needed the Proper Motivation

So I've been in a bit of a blog slump lately...and yeah I've had a lot going on but it's really no excuse. I've written many a blog in my head and even have a few in my blogger account in the "Drafted" status...

But today something happened that I just had to write about. And for those who have been following my travails (TY BTW!), it should come as no surprise that it relates to another run-in at a local business. And this time I'm naming names!!!

To give you a little background on the story, this summer I suffered the relative tragedy of watching my second hookah break before my eyes. And it was a most beautiful hookah!!

Anyways, weeks ago, I came up with the idea of getting a replacement base. This idea seemed more like a reality after checking my favorite online hookah retailer (http://www.smoking-hookah.com/). However, before placing an order online, I first tried to support the local economy. There's a store in the South End (Syrian Grocery Importing Co., Inc.) that prominently displays a large hookah (among other things) in the window so I went in one day and inquired if they had replacement bases in-stock or if they'd be able to order me one. After much unnecessary commotion, I was advised that they occasionally have spare parts and that it's a hit-or-miss proposition. They called in the resident hookah-supply expert from the back, who located a spare base. I very quickly saw that this base was way too small for my hookah's shaft (TWSS!). They suggested I bring my hookah but I knew there was no need. They asked me to check back after a few weeks and re-try my luck.

Fast forward to today. My replacement base is already en route, but given my ill-fated history with hookahs, I think it would be wise to have a back-up replacement on hand. So I go back to SGIC,Inc. and remind them that I'm looking for a replacement base if they currently have any in-stock. After advising them that I did not bring my hookah with me, I'm shocked to hear one of them mutter, "who would try to buy the base without bringing the hookah?" Well I guess that would be me, the guy who knows how big his hookah is because I've personally seen it and have held it in my hands. I also am the guy that is willing to purchase one, should I be so lucky that you actually have one!! So I let that comment go unchecked and wait for them to make the call to the bullpen. Out comes the expert again from the back who asks if I brought my hookah with me. I gesture with my hands to indicate the size of the hookah and assure him that if I see a base, I will know if it's the right size and have no problems committing to purchase it. He responds by saying they don't have any in-stock. Immediately afterward, one of them chimes in that they normally come as part of a set and they don't usually have spare parts. Ironically, it was the same guy that questioned why someone would look for a base without bringing their hookah...I am completely and utterly flabbergasted!! And it takes quite a lot to flabbergast me!!!

Was it too difficult to cut my visit short by about 5 minutes and say you don't have any in-stock at the moment? If I had made the mistake of bringing in my hookah so the three of them could have each personally attested to it's size, (should I ever need to subpoena them in a potential missing hookah case) would a base have magically appeared in-stock? Or do you have some inside bet going amongst the employees whereby the challenge is to see how long you can keep a customer engaged, whilst not having the product they are clearly, obviously, and exclusively looking for?

My point is, if you don't have any in-stock, why waste my time asking me questions? The Closer didn't go in the back to confirm if they had any left, he knew it. So I blame him for wasting my time.

Sad thing is, having gone inside this establishment now a couple times, I noticed some things I would come back for. But since I think the place is swarming with jackasses, I'll go find some other Syrian importing company to purchase my gourmet and ethnic foods from.

Rule # 89. Don't patronize me when I'm looking to patronize your establishment!!

Holla if ya Hear me!!